I was feeling like speaking again after I found them here :).
Reality continues to ruin my life.
Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
Life’s disappointments are harder to take when you don’t know any swear words.
In my opinion, we don’t devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
What’s the point of wearing your favorite rocketship underpants if nobody ever asks to see ’em?
As a math atheist, I should be excused from this.
I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information
Calvin: I’m a genius, but I’m a misunderstood genius.
Hobbes: What’s misunderstood about you?
Calvin: Nobody thinks I’m a genius.
“Bad news Dad. Your polls are way down.”
“My polls?”
“You rate especialy low among tigers and six year old white males.”
“What state do you live in?”
“Denial.”
I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.
Hobbes : “Do you think there’s a God?
Calvin : “Well somebody’s out to get me!”
“The world isn’t fair, Calvin.”
“I know Dad, but why isn’t it ever unfair in my favour?”
Hobbes : “It says here that by the age of 6, most children have seen a million muders on television.”
Calvin : “I find that very disturbing…it means I’ve been watching all the wrong channels.”
To make a bad day worse, spend it wishing for the impossible.
So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they’re already met?
It’s only work if somebody makes you do it
Girls are like slugs – they probably serve some purpose, but it’s hard to imagine what.
“I’m never gonna get married. Are you?”
“Hmm…I suppose if the right person came along, I might. Someone with green eyes and a nice laugh, who I could call ‘Pooty Pie’.”
“POOTY PIE?”
“Or bitsy pookums.”
“I think that would affect my stomach a lot more than my heart.”
“Bitsy pookums I’d say. Yes snoogy woogy, she’d reply…”
The surest sign of intelligent life is that they haven’t visited us.
I was born intelligent, But education ruined me!